February 2012
26 posts
one half of tumblr: “i just wanna cuddle under a blanket and eat soup and watch movies all day with you and maybe kiss your cheek and stare into your eyes and hold your hand and tell you i love you”
other half of tumblr: “unf i want to take all of your clothes off with my mouth then ram you against the wall and pin your arms up and then just fuck the shit out of you”
6 tags
Hi guys, if I could get three of you to sign up...
(Not really but the help is appresiated.)
https://playhawken.com/?ref=l9am1ko6
Clients From Hell: Client: Hi, I’m about to get on... →
clientsfromhell:
Client: Hi, I’m about to get on a plane and won’t be in touch the rest of the day. There’s a new project that I’ve got someone handling, they’ll call later on and let you know what’s needed. They need to check with some guys over the weekend to get all our ducks in a row, but then we should be…
January 2012
23 posts
So I was listening to the radio in the car
demi4lyff:
deliciousstalkingmmm:
And the news dude said that “Australian ugg boots are being banned in American schools, due to fear that students will hide junk food in them.” WAIT WHAT ONLY IN AMERICA WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK WHO HIDES FOOD IN THEIR SHOES THAT’S GROSS WOULD YOU EAT THAT SHIT PUTS A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO ‘TOE JAM.’
What the hell.
Prison Rules: As complete as I could make 'em
Prison rules
1. NO FANDOM FIGHTS: You are only allowed to start fights with regular prisoners if and only if they bash your fandom(s).
2. We all have one thing in common: gay pairings. Remember this when someone acts up.
3. Gay fanart workshop time is bonding time: Play nice and kindly help others if they ask for it.
4. Sherlock fandom: we would like to ask you to turn your cries off after 11pm. However this rule doesn't apply on Sunday.
5. Doctor Who fandom: We know bananas are high in potassium. Leave it. Also your screwdriver is not sonic and will be confiscated.
6. Supernatural fandom: please do not take all the salt from the cafeteria.
7. Fans are allowed to be in more than one fandom, do not seclude them if they do.
8. Harry Potter fandom: That is not a wand, it is a stick, and it is not allowed indoors.
9. Glee fandom: Those prison guards are not secretly a couple, stop shipping everything.
10. Darren Criss fandom: The furniture is for SITTING/SLEEPING on, not jumping, so please refrain from doing so.
11. Doctor Who fandom: No breaking out, you're not River Song and this isn't Storm Cage
12. AtLA fandom: Zutarans and Kataangers to stop infighting immediately. We're all in this together. Also fake bending battles to be confined to rec time please, you're weirding out the guards.
13. Furnace Fandom: There are no such things as Wheezers, you're scaring the other inmates with your weird stories.
14. Glee fandom: Please stop crafting shivs while glaring menacingly at other shippers after every ship war you guys have. It's getting ridiculous and they're really starting to pile up.
15. Pirates of the Caribbean fans: please do not steal the emergency supply of rum.
16. X-Men First Class fandom: stop destroying all the cleaning buckets, they won't look like that damn helmet anyway
17. Amnesia fandom: You're not in the prison level, there is no need to hide in dark corners and cry for your lantern. You are freaking out your inmates.
18. Hunger Games fandom: No forcing each fandom to select a champion to send in battle against one another.
19. My Little Pony fandom: Love and Tolerate the shit out of EVERYONE.
20. Whedonites: Don't be afraid to like the other prisoners. Joss can't kill them off in here.
21. Batman fandom: Stop stealing the Whovian's lipstick. You are not the Joker.
22. Twilight fandom: Don't pick fights with the Harry Potter fans in the cafeteria. You cannot slay them with sparkles.
23. Wholockians: You can't insist we pray to Moffat during religious services. Your prayers do not appease him or his troll Gatiss.
24. Firefly fandom: Those aren't coats. Those are blankets you've fashioned to look like coats. Stop it! ...It's the middle of winter and we don't have the budget for this.
25. Buffy fandom: No, we aren't going to establish a policy of exposing every staff member and inmate to sunlight on a daily basis 'just to make sure'. And no, you can't all work in the woodshop making 'stakes'. Sorry, those are just wooden shivs.
26. Portal and Stargate Fandoms: Your cellmates do not appreciate the chalk circles you keep drawing on the walls. Besides, for it to work you’d have to have the end of the wormhole be on the outside of the prison. Unless you are just sneaking into the kitchen.
27. Skyrim Fandom: Stop calling people “milk-drinkers”. You don’t even know what that MEANS. Also no-one wants to hear about your knee.
28. White Collar Fandom: Pretty sure the guards are looking out for that escape technique by now. You’re never going to grow a convincing beard anyway.
29. Princess Bride: You are NOT Inigo Montoya, your father is upset that you are in jail, and if you quote this again you should prepare to die.
30. Golden Compass: No one else can see your daemon, so it’s kind of freaking people out that you talk to it so much.
31. Temeraire: The egg you get at breakfast is hard boiled. It will never hatch into a dragon, and hoarding them under your pillow won’t change that. Cut it out, they are starting to smell.
32. Dr. Horrible: Actually, the freeze ray you are making out of matchsticks looks quite cool. You may proceed. But hitting on other people on laundry day is unacceptable.
33. Battlestar Galactica: Just because they’re not in your fandom doesn’t make them Cylons! They would appreciate it if you stopped quizzing them on human emotions.
34. House: It COULD be Lupus. But I think you’re getting the prison doctor, not House, to check it out.
35. Mad Men: Um, no, you can’t act like that because we don’t live in the 60’s anymore. Put out that cigar and stop groping the buxom ladies.
36. Vampire Diaries: Stop trying to kill the Twilight fans. You started the whole romanticizing thing, so it’s partially your fault!
37. Song of Ice and Fire: No matter how much you petition the parole board, they will never transfer you to “the Wall”
38. IT Crowd: After you make the necessary jokes, you really should fix the computer. How else will the fanfiction get written?
39.Tin Tin: Pretending to get drunk on the water is not that funny.
40. Monk: Please share your neurotic tendencies only with those who give permission. Organizing people’s cells when they are out in the yard is likely to get you punched.
41. South Park: Just because his name is Kenny doesn’t give you the right to kill him! Also he is not a cartoon. Put the prisoner down.
42. Slenderfandom: No we are not proxies trying to torment you. Put down that camera and knife right now.
43. M*A*S*H: You are no longer permitted in the arts and crafts room if you keep attempting to preform surgery on the tables.
44. [Prototype]: Stop trying to eat the inmates! You will not gain memories or their appearance by doing so.
45. inFAMOUS: You are no longer allowed near any electrical equipment. We've lost a lot of your type because you kept sticking forks in the sockets trying to gain its energy.
46. Kingdom Hearts: We are not Heartless, we are not Nobodies. Put down that broomstick, it is not a keyblade.
47. Homestuck: You are not allowed near the gray face paint anymore. We will also be forced to remove a certain water holding container if you don't stop trying to have sex over top of them. It is unsanitary.
48. The Last Airbender: Stop snapping our silverware in half. It's not considered metalbending and if you continue, we will be forced to use plastic forks and knives again..
49. Holmestuck: John is not a homosexual, period.
50. Castle Fandom: Don't worry, I'd get you out.
51. Fullmetal Alchemist Fandom: Stop drawing transmutation circles on the floors in chalk. You are not alchemists.
52. Minecraft Fandom: Please refrain from digging up the dirt in the courtyard. It's starting to irritate the guards.
53. Fringe Fandom: Wait, where the fuck is the Fringe fandom? (Meanwhile, Fringe fans are chilling in another universe in an alternate timeline, rewatching season 12384132746946 of Fringe.)
54. Hoot Owls: Please don't eat all of our ice cream sandwiches supply in one night, you can't go to Walmart at 2 in the morning to buy more.
55. Assassin's Creed: Quit climbing shit, the guards will think you're trying to escape and shoot you down.
56. Directioners: Stop laughing at everything and stop shipping everyone.
57. Beliebers: If a Belieber gets in prison, he/she will immediately be executed.
58. Tangled: Stop stealing all the frying pans.
59. Star Wars fandom: We got it. We let the wookie win. Now stop waving your hands about. Your Jedi mind-tricks have no power here.
60. Star Trek fandom: It's worse than that it's physics, Jim. Just because that guard's name is Scotty, does not mean he will "beam you up." No....don't ask him...oh.....
61. Leverage Fandom: Please refrain from stealing from the guards, also please don't punch them, hack into the security system, or try to con guards into letting you out... Evil plotting isn't appreciated either. Also, when we say this prison is breakout proof, it IS breakout proof. Don't try to prove yourselves.
62. Torchwood fandom: His name is Jack. We understand. But he doesn't appreciate you shipping him with everything. He's not immortal and he's never been pregnant.
63. Misfits Fandom: Stop trying to hit the prison guards on the head with paint cans. They did not gain super strength and murderous intentions after being hit by lightning in a mysterious storm, and they are not out to get you. You won't be allowed in the arts and crafts room if this continues.
64. Portal fandom: Stop knocking down the security cameras. She is not watching you and you are only ruining expensive equipment.
65. The Creature Fandom: No you cannot take 'Sp00n' with you. It is just a spoon. Sp00n is a horse. Get it right.
66. Disney fandom: Your hair will never look like that, so quit trying. Not even if you style it with a fork. Also, we know it's hard, but please try to refrain from bursting into spontaneous song while we're trying to sleep. Not every time is time for a sing-a-long.
67. Jak and Daxter Fandom: Yes, you're in prison. No, you're not being experimented on in an attempt to create super soldiers. Even if you were, only the Mar line could survive anyway. Stop screaming bloody murder in your cells; it's scaring the other inmates and the guards.
68. Big Bang Theory fandom: You cannot procreate by eating too much Thai food, so stop making so damn much of it. You have no research capital, so you cannot be Batman. Furthermore, bazinga.
69. Dexter Fandom: No plastic wrap or sheeting allowed.
70. Bones Fandom: You may only talk between one another, as other inmates do not understand your constant scientific words or your social awkwardness.
71. REBORN! Fandom: Just because the guards carry night-sticks stop asking them to bite you to death. That's not even a practical way to ask to be killed.
OKAY,
thief-of-strife:
“You know who else can’t perform as well as the average male?
Half the...”
– weirdtalk
capnchunch: There are. They´re called fame and fortune. http://t.co/VxXETCtP
capnchunch:
i think i would try a lot harder in life if there were levels and experience points
There are. They´re called fame and fortune.
December 2011
64 posts
Smartphones: Picard uses Android: http://t.co/aOP8ZnLP